Based on my day, I have concluded that there are four kinds of people who clearly want to be left alone:
- Rude people clearly don’t want to be around humans
- People who own 12 cats
- People who use nasal spray on the train
- Women who are standing in the wind clinging to their dresses for dear life so they don’t flash the world
First, nothing sends the message that you don’t want me near you like breaking out the nasal spray on the train and whining, “OMG I can’t breathe!” Seriously- I can’t breathe either, but mostly because of the panic attack you induced.
I moved seats only to sit next to the cat lady…she was covered in pet hair. Maybe that’s why the poster child for Allegra was sharing his germs with society.
It was a busy day, and the sun was shining, it looked absolutely beautiful outside. I decied that I would take advantage of the gorgeous weather and walk to the Plaza to get lunch of some sort. Today I was in the mood for something new, so I trekked to the food court.
Losing weight has a way of making women feel confident and on top of the world. We wear cute (modest) dresses and boots. The nice day I told you about— it wasn’t nice at all…. it was warm, it was sunny but it was also Chicago kind of windy outside. I secured my dress in place with a hand on either side holding the hem down in place so that I didn’t end up on “The People of Downtown Dallas”. I walked down the street, I choked as I passed through the smoker section of the sidewalk and as I coughed I aspirated the hair that was blowing into my mouth. I stood on the street corner (in an non-hooker kind of way) at the crosswalk, recovering from my choking on my own DNA and gripping my skirt. I hear a car horn honk several times, and looked over to see a guy waving at me like Forrest Gump waves- like an idiot. Seriously???? Does this seem like an opportunity to strike up a conversation? Do I look approachable? Does it in any way appear that I can wave back at you right now??????? Before screaming at him, I looked down to make sure I wasn’t standing in the street. You know, in case my hair being blown in my line of sight prevented me from knowing I was in danger, and maybe that’s why he’s honking… but no luck. He is really just an idiot. He screams out the window, “You look nice today!” Apparently my line was not, “are you freaking kidding me right now?” It wasn’t my line, but that is all I had left in me.
Mark me down on the list of unapproachable people, at least when I’m fighting to save my dignity. More wardrobe malfunctions from Andi On A Train.