Tornado girl arrived on the train this afternoon at 4:22, very much like a natural disaster- everyone knew she had arrived. Everyone knows she is still here. She is loud. She bumps into everyone as she barrels down the isle. She hits people with her oversized bags and acts surprised like this didn’t happen yesterday. Did I mention she is loud? I almost had a brain bleed when she got a phone call. (They are having baked chicken for dinner, her patient is off a ventilator) She talks to people across the train, I feel like I am a hostage at her family reunion. She no longer talks to people…. she yells across the train to other passengers…they yell back in reply. I am not particularly fond of overly loud people. I like peace… In fact, I love peace. I have been searching for a way to ask her, “do you realize you’re loud?” I am saddened to admit that the opportunity has not presented itself. She doesn’t appear to have bad hearing. I am trying to not wish the same for myself.
Truthfully, she seems nice. I kind of want to like her. I think if she were in another car and I was just watching her be loud to other people, I would like her. But, she isn’t… and I really don’t. I’m sorry.
So, I bring you today’s episode of “Ask Andi On A Train”. It comes from my journey on the DART train, where we stand packed in the train in very close proximity to one another. If you have ever taught with me, you would understand my desire to yell, “Don’t be a space invader!”
The conversation stems from a familiar scene. A very frustrated man is arguing with his significant other. She folds her arms and rolls her eyes and utters men’s most hated word in the English language, “WHATEVER!!!!!” I do not know their situation.
But I do know this: Women have estrogen. It makes us crazy. It is, in fact, the cause of heartache for men around the world. Estrogen is what makes us think you are dead in a ditch when you are late. (You would think that you would see more people lying in ditches with as much as we convince ourselves this happens- I’ve personally never seen a dead person in a ditch, so why do I assume that this happens every time someone is late???) Estrogen makes us ask stupid questions like, “do I look fat” and “who is she”. It’s all estrogen. And the truth is, we are stuck with estrogen. The good news is that you possess the cure for estrogen. It’s called communication. If you will open your mouth and talk before estrogen happens, your girl’s mind will not run wild. But if you let estrogen kick in, you should just pick up a shovel on your way home, it is going to take you a long time to dig out of that mess. And if you allow estrogen-crazed women to get upset enough that they reach out to other estrogen crazed women for help, prepare for the pandemic.”