I have never taken the easy way out… it is not in my nature to shy away from hard work. This time in my life is about growth and learning to have faith in God, not just faith in my plans. I am learning the hard way that I cannot control everything.
Throughout my life, as I faced hardships, I had one prayer, “God, take this and use it to help someone else.” It was the only way I could reconcile what I had been through. I never struggled much with unforgiveness or with anger about all the things that happened, but I struggled immensely with making sense of it all. I couldn’t find purpose in my past until I knew that God had brought beauty from ashes.
It was while working at the school that I was able to use my past to relate to kids. I didn’t share the details of my story with my students, but I related to where they were. I could help them with the pain because I had been where they were. After I got up the courage to leave the school to find a way to provide for my son, I went back to what I knew was a safe career option with more money than I was making at the school. It was barely enough and sometimes not quite, but it was more than where I started.
I look at the chain of events, had I not left the school, I wouldn’t have worked at CBRE. I wouldn’t have re-entered corporate America. Had I not worked at CBRE, I wouldn’t have lost my job when I was hospitalized with the kidney stone and infection. Had I not lost my job I wouldn’t be interviewing for a better job. Had I not interviewed for the better job, I wouldn’t have realized that I have been selling myself short in so many areas of my life.
I didn’t take the path of least resistance. I am WAY outside of my comfort zone. In fact, my comfort zone is like a dot in the distance. In that, I am learning so much about myself. I am growing in my faith like never before. I am entering this new chapter refreshed, improved, and ready.
I am not looking over my shoulder trying to make sense of the past or trying to find purpose in what I went through. God has already taken care of that. I can close the door on that and move forward into this new chapter that is based solely on my future, not my past. I am ready.
Apparently I missed the guy who puked on himself at St. Paul station. I am not actually sorry that I missed that. It turns out, I am a sympathy puker. You know those sympathy criers that cry if you cry. Well, my lack of human emotions makes it hard for me to be around crying people, it’s actually rather awkward and I am like, “oh an emotion” and plan my escape. I am great at making you laugh, I am really really great with anger, but crying??? I am not good at crying. I’m sorry. But as it turns out, if you puke, I will puke with you, so it is a good thing I did not see Mr. It’s 5 o’clock somewhere pass out in his own vomit.
As I was running to the train I, I was blocked by a crazy lady yelling at a crazy man. He yelled, “why don’t you get off of my corner” and she yelled, “You can’t threaten to kill me!!!!” A little bit I was annoyed that they were in my way, and a little I wanted to stay and watch. As it turns out, get off my corner and I’m going to off you on the corner are actually not the same thing…turns out… and since pointing that out is not helpful in this particular situation… I chose to continue my mad dash for the train.
So, if you’ve seen me in person you are aware of the fact that I have a big butt. I know this about myself… now, thanks to the fact that mother nature is incredibly fickle and i was wearing a very cute, but not mother-nature-proof dress, some of the people in downtown may or may not also know this about me… wardrobe malfunctions.
The morning crew is back! I am happy that my diva friend is back on the morning shift! The rides are much more peaceful with her there. If only I could get Mr. Sniffles to blow his nose instead of sniffling all the time, my morning trip would be FABULOUS.
I have a new seat on the train in the evenings, because we don’t particularly have a crew in the afternoons, although for a while there it was working and now strangers have taken over our car… I have a new seat I have picked the awkward corner seat because nobody else sits there…. and because it it awkward and angled at the side, nobody sits by me. The evil plot of seclusion is working.
In other news- I am stalker-less! My stalker hasn’t been on the train in FOREVER!!!! There is an afternoon programmer guy that sits by me and we talk life and tech-talk and he checks the blog to see if I write about it him, so SHOUT OUTS to Programmer Dude!
In other news- my favorite fellow writer is train-cheating on me and sitting with another group today. Whatever! lol
I often hear guys complain that girls go for the wrong guy, it is not just girls. I can prove it. It is beyond every girl’s cliche argument that guys go for the wrong girls… Guys go for the wrong guys too. Take a minute, process that. “Look lady, I ain’t gay!” One passenger protested and I reassured him that I wasn’t implying that he was gay. Gay men would vote him off of a fabulously decorated island in a heartbeat.
“It’s simple… this weekend when you sit down to watch a certain movie coming out who will you vote for? Batman or superman?” “Batman…all day!” His retort was quick… too quick.
Exactly! Batman is smooth and cool, he has style, he is dark and mysterious… afraid of commitment, and he says stupid things but he looks good doing it….he represents every single guy that you have looked at talking to a pretty girl and rolled eyes and asked, “why does she stay with that jerk?” Superman is just the nice guy trying to save the world and he finishes last.
Human nature is curious… we saw this with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.People are curious, they want what is forbidden. When you put yourself in a situation time and time again thinking that it will eventually end the same exact way, you have set yourself up for failure and I have a hard time listening to you cry about it…. AGAIN.
He asked, “will she ever pick me?” I shook my head. “No, she won’t. She feels about him the same way you feel about her. She thinks it will be different this time or that she can love him enough to make him really see her and want her. She sees only the good in him, and she thinks he just doesn’t see the good in himself. .She loves him. The only way to get out of the cycle is decide this is your last stop of the crazy train.
(Bonus points for the train analogy while riding the train! Knowledge dropped! Boom!)
This morning on the DART I experienced the first scene that made me actually question my safety. If I am being 100 % honest, I think the situation could have been handled differently, but things got way out of hand.
After a 15 day migraine combined with a raging kidney infection and temps over 103, I am finally feeling back to myself. My head isn’t hurting, no fever, I am ready to face the world again! It was a rough couple of weeks, and an even rougher weekend, but I am so thankful to be on this side of getting better. I had a pretty sleepless night filled with insomnia and panic attacks for absolutely no reason. They started around 9 pm and went on and off until about 2:30 am.
I got up shockingly on time and even managed to be in time to make it to the gas station. The TRE went without any problems, and I was feeling pretty relaxed when I boarded an unusually crowded DART. I remembered that the train is always filled with homeless people seeking a warm place to sleep in peace on cold mornings. I slid past fare enforcement and took my usual spot. Fare enforcement finishes the citation he was writing and then goes to the next car. He begins the conversation with an aggressive tone, I am sure he has his reasons, maybe he has history with this person, maybe it’s not the first time he told him that he can’t take up 3 seats, maybe he has just been talked to really bad all morning. Regardless, he approached the guy and told him to move his feet off of the seat, and that he couldn’t take up 3 seats in a crowded DART train. Needless to say, the homeless guy did not grab his stuff and say, “Oh I am sorry, I didn’t realize.”
In fact the next 15 minutes of my life were very educational. I had never heard those particular word combinations. I think my favorite part was when he told the officer, “you work for me, I pay your taxes.” (being homeless and jobless kind of means that is not how that is happening.” Actually though (I have video way too vulgar to post) I cracked up when in the middle of screaming obscenities and horrifically detailed threats against his life, right after “I’m from the boot, N’Orleans… we’re real thugs.” He stopped to take 3 puffs of his inhaler before continuing… way to thug it up baby. That was totally BA.
The train is a never-ending cycle of amusement and confusion. I didn’t get a picture of the guy who was screaming at everyone on the train because he asked for money and they told him no. He was furious, and it is the first time that one of the rants alarmed me. We often see homeless people on the train screaming or causing a scene, it just happens, but this guy was mad at society in general, and I wasn’t upset at all when he stormed past me and got off the train right before the doors closed.
I saw Leonardo da Vinci today. He walked through downtown slowly with clothes sent to him from The Vatican, and he was very very nice. He went to Subway and talked to the people. I guess even da Vinci needs a $5 footlong sometimes.
found Donal Trump’s long lost brother. Apparently this facial expression runs in the family.
I was horrified by the woman who set across from me and coughed on the wall the whole train ride.
There was a guy who had stuffed all of his earthly belongings into an imac box, I am not sure why or even how, but he was going through some things on the train. He had a DART regional pass on the TRE, the conductor was less than thrilled with him.
Sorry I have been quiet the last few days. I have had a migraine for 10 days…it seems to be getting a little better.
In other news, The Tiger is back and doing will, I haven’t seen my favorite stalker lately… and the construction worker is now a regular on our train in the mornings. He spoke for the first time today. I am getting use to him.
Word has spread around the train that I write a train blog… lol
I am often offered a seat on the DART, and I just can’t bring myself to sit down. I have no idea why the DART smells so bad, but it stands to reason that it is embedded into the fabric seats. This woman sat in someone else’s gum… seriously. What is wrong with people? She has someone else’s DNA plastered to her leg. Her pants are ruined. She was just trying to get home from work. She has someone else’s DNA on her leg!!!! (Did I mention that horrific concept?)
People have started sending me stories and pictures of the train, I received this from colleagues in New York yesterday, and it was too good not to share.
There are several things I noticed here. 1) starting in the top left, the goth chick looks absolutely horrified. The funniest WTF face is the one from the guy in the brown coat. The guy with the black coat is just like, “I don’t have time to play with you son!”But as you can imagine, that is not what caught my eye. The part of the picture that I focused in on was the right side… the fact that the guy in the yellow seat is totally robbing the guy making the “daaaaammmmmnnnnn” face.
While the above view from the train was absolutely beautiful in the stormy weather, it was completely and totally negated by the fact that very close by, this jackass was on the train:
I don’t even have words for the shades of stupid displayed by this guy. Or the fact that randomly he went through the entire smoking process with his unlit cigarette. I’ve got nothing, honestly.
My favorite conversation happened at the end of the train. When a woman very loudly rejected a guy that was trying to talk to her. She was, well, scantily clad to say the least. She screamed, “why can’t guys just leave me alone.” I didn’t even have time to go Ask Andi on them, he said, “My apologies, I just thought, if she looks like a hooker, and she has sex for money, then she’s probably a prostitute, clearly the misunderstanding is mine.”
Clearly…. but I couldn’t stop laughing long enough to get a picture, but I sure tried.
Have you experienced a smell that was so foul you felt like you could see it? It is as if there is a visible Pepe Le Pew fog is lingering…and that, my friends is what the DART was like this morning! In all seriousness, it burned my nose.
Furthermore… I don’t care if the entire medical community and every doctor on the planet endorses coughing into the crook of your arm instead of covering your mouth with your hand. This is by far the most asinine hygiene habit EVER. Don’t worry, as with all things, I have reasons:
- Have you EVER in your life seen someone break out the Germ-x to thoroughly de-germ their freshly coughed on elbow??????? (Bonus points for all who break out the Germ-X after covering their cough with their hands!)
- Do you not wash your hands a lot more than you do laundry?
- Do you often find yourself scrubbing up to the elbows pre-op style to get the plague off of your arm?
- When someone bumps up against you in the elevator- it is their germified, coughed-on shirt sleeve that bumps up against you.
Here is a copy of the flyer from the CDC… cough into your elbow and wash your hands… what the hell???????
Germaphobes unite! lol I can’t be the only one that is horrified by this!
Casual Friday looks like career day on the train, I see everything from sweats to construction workers to doctors to soldiers to police officers to business suits- we’re like an Indian Headdress away from being at a Village People convention. I decided to post a few of my favorite photos from my day.
I am not sure if I am more concerned about the pee stain on the carpet or the fact that this woman is wearing gym socks with her blue suede shoes.
Do you know how to hard it is to keep a straight face when the guy across from you has shaving cream all over his ear? Way to represent Houston PD!
What exactly is on this guys ankle?
The side of the story that the news will NEVER tell…I stood nearby as this amazing Police Officer poured life into this young man, at one time they embraced and the young man thanked the officer for his time.
Artwork on the train.
Remember the guy who couldn’t hold his own phone????????? He’s up close and personal with a few members of Dallas PD… I for one am SHOCKED!!!
They are doing construction at work… I am pretty sure this is our new phone system.
Based on my day, I have concluded that there are four kinds of people who clearly want to be left alone:
- Rude people clearly don’t want to be around humans
- People who own 12 cats
- People who use nasal spray on the train
- Women who are standing in the wind clinging to their dresses for dear life so they don’t flash the world
First, nothing sends the message that you don’t want me near you like breaking out the nasal spray on the train and whining, “OMG I can’t breathe!” Seriously- I can’t breathe either, but mostly because of the panic attack you induced.
I moved seats only to sit next to the cat lady…she was covered in pet hair. Maybe that’s why the poster child for Allegra was sharing his germs with society.
It was a busy day, and the sun was shining, it looked absolutely beautiful outside. I decied that I would take advantage of the gorgeous weather and walk to the Plaza to get lunch of some sort. Today I was in the mood for something new, so I trekked to the food court.
Losing weight has a way of making women feel confident and on top of the world. We wear cute (modest) dresses and boots. The nice day I told you about— it wasn’t nice at all…. it was warm, it was sunny but it was also Chicago kind of windy outside. I secured my dress in place with a hand on either side holding the hem down in place so that I didn’t end up on “The People of Downtown Dallas”. I walked down the street, I choked as I passed through the smoker section of the sidewalk and as I coughed I aspirated the hair that was blowing into my mouth. I stood on the street corner (in an non-hooker kind of way) at the crosswalk, recovering from my choking on my own DNA and gripping my skirt. I hear a car horn honk several times, and looked over to see a guy waving at me like Forrest Gump waves- like an idiot. Seriously???? Does this seem like an opportunity to strike up a conversation? Do I look approachable? Does it in any way appear that I can wave back at you right now??????? Before screaming at him, I looked down to make sure I wasn’t standing in the street. You know, in case my hair being blown in my line of sight prevented me from knowing I was in danger, and maybe that’s why he’s honking… but no luck. He is really just an idiot. He screams out the window, “You look nice today!” Apparently my line was not, “are you freaking kidding me right now?” It wasn’t my line, but that is all I had left in me.
Mark me down on the list of unapproachable people, at least when I’m fighting to save my dignity. More wardrobe malfunctions from Andi On A Train.