I have never taken the easy way out… it is not in my nature to shy away from hard work. This time in my life is about growth and learning to have faith in God, not just faith in my plans. I am learning the hard way that I cannot control everything.
Throughout my life, as I faced hardships, I had one prayer, “God, take this and use it to help someone else.” It was the only way I could reconcile what I had been through. I never struggled much with unforgiveness or with anger about all the things that happened, but I struggled immensely with making sense of it all. I couldn’t find purpose in my past until I knew that God had brought beauty from ashes.
It was while working at the school that I was able to use my past to relate to kids. I didn’t share the details of my story with my students, but I related to where they were. I could help them with the pain because I had been where they were. After I got up the courage to leave the school to find a way to provide for my son, I went back to what I knew was a safe career option with more money than I was making at the school. It was barely enough and sometimes not quite, but it was more than where I started.
I look at the chain of events, had I not left the school, I wouldn’t have worked at CBRE. I wouldn’t have re-entered corporate America. Had I not worked at CBRE, I wouldn’t have lost my job when I was hospitalized with the kidney stone and infection. Had I not lost my job I wouldn’t be interviewing for a better job. Had I not interviewed for the better job, I wouldn’t have realized that I have been selling myself short in so many areas of my life.
I didn’t take the path of least resistance. I am WAY outside of my comfort zone. In fact, my comfort zone is like a dot in the distance. In that, I am learning so much about myself. I am growing in my faith like never before. I am entering this new chapter refreshed, improved, and ready.
I am not looking over my shoulder trying to make sense of the past or trying to find purpose in what I went through. God has already taken care of that. I can close the door on that and move forward into this new chapter that is based solely on my future, not my past. I am ready.